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December 2, 2002

Here's what's making celebrity news this week. Sources say Janet Jackson and now former husband Renée Elizondo have quietly settled their divorce. Um huh and of course Janet is quiet, 'cause she's still in shock at what Renée walked away with, okay! Reportedly, he got an estimated $15-million a 2000 SL-600 Mercedes vehicle valued at $120-thousand and managed to keep their two story five bedroom Malibu home, valued at $8-million. I'm saying, can I get a loan?

Word has it, 49 year old talk show guru Oprah Winfrey plans to have a baby of her own in 2003, by hook or crook. Um huh, in other words girlfriend got a date with a turkey- baster, 'cause if Stedman won't make a deposit, then a test-tube baby is her only recourse. Hell, even I'm looking for a momma, she can adopt me and perhaps I can have a decent Christmas up and through there, Oprah style, Um huh!
Congratulations go out to singer Beyonce Knowles for her big score with Pepsi. Um huh, that's right, Britney Spears is out and old thunder thighs is in (she's the new Pepsi Cola spokes-model that is). So, if any of you are wondering what ever happened to Beyonces alleged pregnancy by rapper Jay-Z, let's just say she opted to keep the Pepsi deal instead, Oops!

Sources say the little people are striking back! Word is Jennifer Lopez's first husband Ojani Noa who was fired as Manager of J-Lo's famed restaurant has just sold his story to a major tabloid. Insiders say J-Lo is on pins and needles as her career could possibly suffer if new or damaging information is revealed right now. Um huh, Ojani Noa (her former husband) may be out of work, but he's about to get paid!

Word has it, singer Toni Braxton recently exploded after hearing J-Lo's name mentioned in the same sentence as hers. Now who is that sick too? Allegedly Toni said, "I don't need $2-million dollars worth of studio equipment to sing, Oop's! Now that certainly wasn't becoming of a woman claiming to have been humbled by her own bankruptcy fiasco. Perhaps she's jealous that J-Lo's movie "Made in Manhattan" is #1 in the country and she (Toni Braxton) is pregnant for the 2nd time, on Broadway and nobody knows she's alive anymore. Um huh, poor, poor Toni Braxton!

Sources say the former athlete best known as the "Black Jack the Ripper" (O.J. Simpson that is), is still balling out of control. Word is he and long-time girlfriend Christine Brody were spotted in a local Miami Florida bar drinking like two fish. Reportedly several eye witnesses suggest they watched as what appeared to be a drug-dealer delivering two eight balls of cocaine to the couples table. Allegedly the pair made several trips back and fourth to the restroom individually and lived to talk about it. This certainly proves that crack isn't the only thing that's whack, Um huh!
Word has it, singer Christina Aguilera is suffering from that same sex-pot alter ego syndrome that drove singer Prince to change his name to a symbol several years ago. Reportedly, Christina wants to be called "X-Tina" which certainly confirms those blonde braids are way too tight, 'cause I know she's not Muslim, Um huh!

Sources say A-List actress Vivica A. Foxx is rumored to be flat broke, just out of cash! Insiders allege she made some bad investments during her brief marriage to Six-9 and others speculate she might have been taking investment advice from Jermaine Dupri. Either way, I smell a play boy centerfold layout in the making, 'cause its Christmas time and I'm sure baby-girl need a new pair of shoes, Um huh!

Sources say actress Maia Campbell (from the sitcom "In the House") is reportedly furious with singer/actor Tyrese for publicly stating that he never dated her, but did knock her boots a time or two, Oops! No word on whether Maia Campbell is really mad because she got her boots knocked by a brother suspected to be an under-cover queen or because she's known to only date men of the Caucasian persuasion, Um huh!
Word on the street, the ultimate play-boy comedian Eddie Griffin was supposed to marry Rochelle Lynn (the mother of his 6-month old child) on November 16th 2002, but called girlfriend to say the wedding would have to be postponed, as he was still in South Africa shooting his new movie "Blast." Now that was really a dirty move, as I'm told Rochelle Lynn is his 5th babies momma and that fact alone confirms there must be areal shortage of available men on this planet, Um huh!

Sources say 20 year old American Idol star Kelly Clarkson was recently ordered by a throat specialist to give her vocal cords a rest, as examination of her throat already reveals evidence of vocal cord abuse. Reportedly Kelly's doctor says this damage was likely caused by her management's eagerness to exploit her to instant celebrity status. In other words if she keeps abusing her vocal instrument this way, she'll possibly be sounding like Whitney Houston or Macy Grey by next year, Um huh!

In closing news, I've got tons of letters asking how "Missy Elliott" lost all that weight. Well short of her hanging out with Whitney Houston, I guess she finally pushed herself away from that kitchen table. Um huh, but on the real, insiders allege she had a surgical procedure to her stomach which curves her appetite and ultimately helped to lower her blood-pressure. Those close to Missy suggest she recently lied to the press when she suggested she visits the gym 4 times a day. Even if that were possible, I'd imagine that she would look more like Arnold Schwarzenegger right about now.

E-mail: SpillTheTea@aol.com with your celebrity sightings and hot tips!
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